


Don't trust fate.

by PeroxideMermaid



Category: JAG (TV 1995), NCIS
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:34:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26665255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeroxideMermaid/pseuds/PeroxideMermaid
Summary: This is a short One shot I wrote for Tumblr and I decided to post it here.Takes place after their meeting in False Flag from NCIS LA.
Relationships: Sarah MacKenzie/Harmon Rabb Jr.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 14





	Don't trust fate.

It was impossible for Sarah to not think about that coin toss.  
She can distinctively remember thinking ‘No matter what it is, heads or tails, we will be together. We will make it work.’ It was a comforting thought at the moment, and for a while, they did make it work until it didn’t anymore. Fate can keep us together he suggested and now those words felt like a knife to the gut. In hindsight, she should’ve seen it coming. They were floating on air, living together on borrowed time and when that time was up they both fell flat to the ground. Her mind began to go through everything that went wrong, every decision they could’ve improved – she’d done that a million times before – and the conclusion was always the same…

Maybe they didn’t want to be together as much as they made themselves believe. Daydreaming about a relationship was less bittersweet than actually being together.

“Mac.” She heard the familiar voice that snapped her back to reality. “Sorry, I’m late.” Her eyes followed his movement as Harm sat across her, a mild smile upon her lips. She didn’t mind him being late, it did give her time to think. Mac could feel it in her bones that this wasn’t a bad idea, frankly, it was way overdue. The idea of dinner might have been him, but she planted the idea in his head that last time they saw each other. Nurtured it with a simple phrase ‘We are way passed letting fate decide’ and here they are.

“I think you’re just in time.” The brunette replied nonchalantly, an easy smile covering her features. Though there was an odd sense of awkwardness, Mac did manage to stomp it down by reaching for the glass of water settled in front of her and took a sip. Keeping busy kept her from feeling nervous. Which was stupid, to begin with. This is Harm, they have gone through hell together on more than one occasion, so feeling nervous about dinner together was preposterous. But the heart is involved. Her heart still beats just a tad faster whenever he is around. All these years she had made herself believe to have gotten over him but the truth was something else entirely. Now here she is getting whiplash from all their memories together.

Get a grip.

“You’re the one with the perfect internal clock so I’ll take your word for it.” He replied with a slight smirk causing Mac to roll her eyes. Some things never change. “I’m glad we are doing this.” Harm supplied after a few seconds of silence in which she continued drinking water. Really, really needed to keep busy.

“Why? Because I’m paying for dinner?” She finally spoke up, softly placing down the half-full glass of water. Slowly but surely, the nervous energy was ebbing away. All that was left is that penchant they had to tease each other. “You’re not that poor, Harm.”

In turn, the male laughed, shaking his head ready to speak up but a waiter interrupted by asking if he wanted to drink. Harm ordered himself a whiskey and a club soda for Mac. She watched in wonder as the interaction ended and it was all so reminiscent to the times they went out for dinner and as second nature Harm ordered the same thing. It was like falling in old habits.

Mac watched him closely, head tilting to the side.

“What?” He questioned, mirroring the way she titled her head. There was so much going through her mind, once again.

“Do you ever wonder what could have been if you never got on that plane?” Mac swallowed thickly, the words barely leaving her mouth as she thinks about that fateful day a decade ago. How they went their separate ways without fighting the separation. It was still fresh in her mind. Can still hear the sound of the plane taking off, leaving with her heart in it.

“Mac I--” but he stopped himself from speaking and the brunette shrugged. Of course, he had no words to accompany her name.

There was a sad smile on her lips, “You made me believe in fate you know. As against as I was to it, I believed. But I should’ve known better. Hard work is a better alternative than waiting for things to happen.” Leaning back on her chair, she watched Harm process the words. He knew exactly what she meant. One of them didn’t try hard enough. There always was this barrier between them, a barrier that never allowed them to be exactly who they could be.

“You make it sound like I didn’t love you enough.”

Hearing that hurt. It wasn’t at all how she felt. Mac always knew he did love her, his feelings were never in doubt. He just really didn’t know what to do with all that love. It took them forever to actually be together and it was mainly because of him. Though she does have blame to share with him she cannot focus on her or his shortcomings. Living in the past would only put false expectations on the future and she doesn’t want to think about what can be but rather in the now. “I never doubted your love, Harm.” She replied softly, “You showed me your heart in ways I could’ve never imagined. That is what makes all of this the more hurtful. I experienced a side of you I never have seen before and then you closed yourself off again. And I never understood why.”

The waiter returned with their drinks. The silence stretching taut. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea after all, but that feeling inside her chest told her otherwise. If they never talked about it, they could never move on. And she wants to move on, there was no point in living in the past. Although there were good memories (and they outweigh the bad) going in circles wasn’t healthy for either of them. From time to time Harm came up in her mind and she always wondered how he was doing, wishing to be at his side if only for a while but that needed to stop. They needed to have a clean break or…

“What now then?” He asked and Sarah breathed out softly.

What now indeed.

“I don’t know.” She answered, echoes of her previous answer to the same question running through her head. Yes, they were way passed letting fate decide but he knows that maybe more than anyone. So she reached for her soda club and smiled sadly.

“We either try or let each other go. As simple as that.”


End file.
